So, this post is ten months in preparation. There have been many times over the past months that I've thought, "I need to write a post about these thoughts & feelings," but I always managed to talk myself out of it. Now I know why....
Oh, I forgot someone might be reading this, so I suppose I should fill you in on the reason for this writing. I, Jodi Pflaumer, am not a fan of change. I like consistency. I enjoy routine. I have certain expectations of how "my life" should transpire during a week...a month...a year, and this is the story of the roller coaster of my 2014-2015...the valleys, storms, and the Son shining through.
You see, my life faced some undesired changes...
My teaching-sidekick retired last spring. So, after planning with and teaching alongside her for over 12 years, I was forced to CHANGE how I did things.
Secondly, my small group at church decided to "multiply other groups" last August, which meant I needed to CHANGE my usual monthly small group meetings & members.
Finally, my "little sister" [Big Brothers & Big Sisters} and I would do dinner, homework, and DiscipleTown on Wednesday nights. Then, August rolls around and our Wednesday program was on hiatus, uncertain of if or when it would resume.
Too many CHANGES for this person who thoroughly appreciates things to go smoothly. Did you see how the magnitude of all those CHANGES kicked in at the same time? August, 2014. I was blasted on all sides and thus the walk through my valley began.
Now, you also need to understand that faith, family, friends, teaching, & singing are all a part of my weekly routine. Whether it's Saturday breakfast with my parents, attending church with one of my sister's family, or cheering on my nephew as he runs cross country, plays basketball, or plays baseball...they're in my weekly life. But, this post isn't about my family. They're still there. There may have been a few changes in the past year, but that bond sustains and strengthens.
In some ways this past year of my career ranks as both one of my best as well as one of my worst. Inside "Room 302", life was grand. I was blessed with a student teacher. I was assigned a teacher's aide who gels well with my teaching style, whose personality complements mine, and who is willing to do whatever needs to be done. I also had one of the sweetest groups of kiddos. Granted, I had some challenging students to reach and teach, but even my biggest challenges bring a smile to my face when I think of this past year. Plus, each afternoon, one of my former third graders (who was currently a sophomore) returned to my classroom to serve as my cadet teacher. However, the absence of my "sidekick" made everything else challenging. I told someone who pondered how "life after Mrs. Wilson's retirement" was going that in some ways I felt like "LaVerne" without "Shirley" on the set of the wrong show.
After a day when my heart was sad, I was driving home with watery eyes and Kari Jobe's "new release" was on the radio. The song? Well, it was "I Am Not Alone". Wow! As I listened to the words, I thought, "My heart could've written this." I went home and ordered the accompaniment music knowing that "one day" I would sing it in worship.
Then, you had Wednesdays. I would pick up Lacie, and she would do her math homework (I would check, she would correct) during our dinner together. For the first few months, she would ask, "When do we get to go back to church on Wednesdays?" Umm, I didn't know. What was I to say? So, we'd make the best of it. We would listen to K-Love and sing songs. And...Wednesdays kept coming and going.
As I was dealing with these changes, my heart was sad. "Joyful Jodi" was not as joyful. I tried to smile and remember that my joy is in the Lord...and I would sing "I Am Not Alone" and remember that He is faithful even when life changes and things don't go as we hoped.
Through these months, my Sunday School class, especially the Sunday Lunch Ladies, became my support system. They knew of my struggles both with school and with church, and they would listen and encourage. In the past, I would share these with my small group, but my attempt at finding a "new group" didn't go well. Fortunately, there are two (sometimes three) lovely Christian teachers who joined me on Mondays at school to start the week in prayer. They too became my encouragers. God used both of these groups of sisterhood to support me as I dealt with my struggles.
Throughout the first semester, after the accompaniment music arrived, I would find myself offering up Kari's song in personal worship. Most of the time as I sang, tears would fall as I was reminded that He was before me and with me.
Now, if any of you reading this have read previous posts, you might remember me sharing about the prayer circle I attended my first year in school, which was one of my most challenging years in teaching. The host classroom had "Job" posted on her wall as students learned classroom jobs. However, each time I saw 'job' on the wall, I would read it as Job...the man of God who was tested and stood firm. During Christmas break, I was reminded of that memory and I smiled knowing that my valley was a "piece of cake" compared to others. Looking back now, I see a family I love whose son committed suicide this spring, and they wake up each day knowing that he isn't with them physically anymore. Or, I look at a sweet lady at church who recently discovered she has cancer and that journey of treatment begins. Or, I see other friends at church who buried their fathers back in the fall. Or, I look at friends whose marriages have been broken by a spouse who committed adultery. You see, my emotional/spiritual valley pales in comparison to what others face, but I know when I was in the midst of the sorrow...that it felt overwhelming. Perspective is a big thing, don't you think? What is that cliche, "Hindsight is 20/20"?
So during December, the Light started shining into my foggy thoughts and view.
First, a chat with a couple of co-workers let me see that my perspective was off at school. I had interpreted things incorrectly and too personally. Wow! What a difference that made! During the second semester, instead of seeing the negative, I started looking for the positive. By the end of second semester, I realized how blessed I was from this year and the group of teachers I teach alongside. I also realized regardless of how much I enjoyed planning with my sidekick, I also really enjoy the freedom of being able to plan for my class alone. Weird? Yes. Both are great, but it had been so long since I had just planned "my room's units & lessons" that the freedom was...freeing.
Then, I also was overjoyed when "Connect" started on Wednesdays. Instead of having the consistency of every week, we now had focused sessions when the church came together and then separated into various groups for a set number of weeks. Guess what? It makes sense...it works well. It's different, but change isn't always bad.
Also, as the final nine-weeks started, I was chatting to my former small group's leader, and he mentioned that he thought our group should restart. Yep, we met for the first time last Friday, and what a blessing it was! These things I've attempted to share in writing I shared with these dear people in a testimony during our prayer time. You see, I asked them to pray for me as I sang in worship this morning. What song? "I Am Not Alone". My prayer request was that tears wouldn't flow. Guess what? They tried to make an appearance during the final chorus, but I bit my lip...and made it through.
So, why write this post? Well, to remind you that through the valley, He will be with you. In the midst of deep sorrow, He will be with you. He wants to be your strength and your defender. Through your trials, He will be faithful.
As I was getting ready to leave church this morning, several of my CBC family made comments about the song. The Sunday Lunch Ladies congratulated me on not crying, but a few admitted that they had. Then, my small group leader said he thought it was one of my best. Why? I told him it must be because instead of singing a song someone had asked me to sing or a song that I was challenged by or touched by....I was offering a song that God had used to get me through a challenging year. Yes, I am not alone...but you don't have to be either.
"It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not leave you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed."Deuteronomy 31:8 ESV
Oh, I shared before that I knew the reason I waited. Did you figure it out? If I had written this during the fall, I would've been focused on the valley and the darkness I felt. If I had written it at the beginning of the year, my joy of teaching had returned, but I was still struggling with church changes. So, today, as I returned to the welcome center after singing on the praise team, I had an overwhelming A-Ha moment. (I wonder if they bring God joy like they bring me joy when my kiddos have those moments?)
I am God's child. He holds me in the palm of His hand. When storms or challenges come, He's there. He never changes, regardless of how many changes overwhelm me. He is faithful. He's got this!
Well, it's Sunday afternoon....the day of rest, so now that I've sat at my computer writing this post for over 90 minutes, I think I should take a nap. Blessings!
